An affair in a marriage is devastating. After all you two have been through. After all the good times and the hard times shared together. After all the memories. After growing up a kid together. How could they do this? Is it possible to continue the marriage after an affair? Has the marriage over? Should you end the marriage or forgive your spouse?
I understand that learning that your spouse has had an affair must be the painful experience you have ever been through. The emotional turmoil is unbearable. But you have to pull yourself together and decide whether or not you want to continue this marriage. Do you want to continue the marriage after an affair?
In our society, the knee jerk reaction to an affair is to end the relationship. At least, that’s what most people believe. Of course, it is completely understandable if someone wants to get a divorce after an affair. And that’s what most people expect from you.
However, it is also definitely possible that you work on your marriage after an affair and make your marriage better than it was.
Friends and family aren’t of much help in making this decision. Some of them will tell you to “leave that creep” while others will tell you that you should work on it and give your partner another chance. Even though the advice they give you is well thought and well intentional, they don’t really understand the situation as well as you do.
Those who advise you to leave your spouse are generally saying it because in their experience they probably have never seen a couple live happily after an affair. Those who tell you to give it another chance might not want to include a divorcee in their social group. You never know if there is an ulterior motive in their advice.
It should also to be noted that your friends and family members might hold a grudge against your spouse or you if you don’t follow their advice. In a situation like this, I’d recommend that you be strong and stick to your decision, no matter what you choose and no matter how many people might be against your decision. Remember there are only two people who can make this decision, you and your spouse.
There are a lot of things to consider before you make the decision whether to stick or leave your marriage. I can’t cover all of them here, but I’ll point out the few most important ones.
- Is your spouse really serious about putting in the work to repair the damage that affair has cause? This is really important because if they aren’t willing to work on the marriage after an affair, then there is no way it will work. There are a few factors to consider in determining this –
o Did they completely end the affair?
o Is your spouse looking for ways to repair the marriage after an affair? For example, reading books on relationships or how to survive an affair, or are they going to a therapist or a counselor.
o Is your spouse willing to discuss the details of the affair? Are they willing to answer all your questions about the affair?
o Did your spouse give you a heartfelt apology?
o Do you think your spouse is being fully transparent?
- If I told you that there was a way to make your marriage much better than it was and you two would fall madly in love with each other again, Will you be willing to work on it?
- You will have to go through a lot of emotional and mental stress to make your marriage work. Do you think it will be worth it in the end to be with your spouse?
- A lot of things will have to change in your marriage and your spouse to make it work. Do you think your spouse is ready to make those changes?
Making a marriage work after an affair is not easy. It will definitely be an emotional roller coaster. But if you believe that your marriage is worth it, you should work on it. I will like to help you get started. Click Here To Get Started on repairing your marriage.