Anger is one of the normal emotions after you find out that your spouse has cheated on you. But chronic anger can very well be the main hindrance in healing after the affair.
There can be many reasons for the anger to continue. In essence, the anger is continuing because you feel that the anger is protecting you from getting hurt again and is going to make your spouse realize how much you are hurt. This makes you believe that it is the anger which will make your spouse will feel remorseful of their action and will make them change so that they do not do such a horrible thing again.
However, the anger may be having the exact opposite effect in your marriage and your health. First of all, anger is extremely bad for health. Your body behaves differently when you are anger perpetuates for a long time. The way your blood vessels deposit fat changes, the way your mind functions changes, and the way your body processes is also affected by anger. Not to mention the psychological stress and pain that you have to deal when you are constantly angry.
Now let’s see how it affects your marriage. It’s true that in the starting your anger will serve the purpose of making your spouse realize their mistakes and feel remorseful for their actions. However, after a certain point they will just find it irritating and become defensive about the anger. Anger is not a shield, it’s a weapon. It’s a weapon for attacking someone. And if you are constantly angry, your spouse will think that you are constantly attacking them, which will only result in them becoming defensive and maybe attack back.
So how do you get rid of the anger to heal after an affair?
If you want to heal after the affair, it is imperative that you learn how to stop the anger. It is highly recommended that instead of trying to forgive instantly, you first try to accept what has happened and learn to live with it. The forgiveness will come eventually. And once you do accept it, the anger will slowly fade away. Communication is the key to healing the marriage after an affair. If instead of being angry, you just communicate with your spouse how you are feeling, it will be much more constructive.
There is of course, much more to healing after an affair than just communicating. You need to understand how to communicate, how to reach acceptance and eventually reach forgiveness. You can start with this course offered by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D. by clicking here.