Building trust after infidelity in marriage is one of the hardest challenges that a couple face when they are trying to work on a relationship. Infidelity is generally coupled with a lot of lies and deceit which the cheater shamelessly uses to hide the injured from the truth. But after the injured finds out about all the lies and the infidelity in marriage, they struggle with a blow to their self esteem knowing that they were so easily deceived. Of course, they blame it to the blind trust that they’d put in their cheating partner.
When the couple is trying to work on the relationship after the infidelity in marriage, it becomes extremely difficult for the injured to trust the cheaters excuses for coming home late from work, or not answering the telephone. Even though the cheater may have a legitimate reason for coming home late, or not answering the telephone, how can the injured believe them after all the time they had been lying to them. These situations, where it is hard for the injured to believe the cheater are known as mistrust triggers.
Trust is extremely important in rebuilding the relationship and you know you want the relationship to reach the point of the carefree relationship where you can trust your spouse’s word without thinking twice. I want to tell you that it is possible to reach that point. You will obviously have to work at it and it will take some time, but you can have that carefree and trusting relationship again with your spouse if both of you are willing to work on it.
How to Stop the Mistrust Triggers
One of the questions that people often ask is how to detect a lie from the cheating spouse. There has to be a magic formula by which you can detect whether or not they are lying. Well, there are of course ways that you can find out if they are lying or not, but a better option will be to stop the mistrust triggers.
The only way you can find out if they are lying or not, is either get them do a polygraph test, or you take the lie detection training (the one that they do in the intelligence). As you can imagine, both the ways will be really time consuming and expensive. Moreover, you aren’t really building trust by putting your spouse through a lie detector test every time he comes home from work.
After infidelity in marriage, it is a much better option to work on stopping the mistrust triggers. Here are the three steps to stop mistrust triggers
1. Identify the triggers – You need to identify exactly what type of situation triggers mistrust in you if you are the injured or what action triggers mistrust in your injured spouse if you are the cheater. Unless you identify them, you can’t stop them. Example, coming home late from work and not calling might make your injured spouse think of images of you being with someone else. Not answering your spouse’s phone and not calling them back for a long time.
2. Increase your transparency – If you are the cheating spouse, you need to increase the transparency of your life. Make it a point to call your partner and talk about your day at least two times a day. For some people, this may sound like “checking in with your parents”. But if you look at it that way, you will never be able to rebuild trust in the relationship and you will eventually start resenting calling your partner. Look at it as a gift to your injured spouse which will help rebuild the love and trust in your relationship.
3. Eliminate the mistrust triggers – Eliminating the mistrust triggers is a much better option than trying to figure out a lie every time your partner is late. You may need to implement step 2 for this. If there are no mistrust triggers, there will be no mistrust.
Transparency and eliminating mistrust triggers is one of the most important part of rebuilding a relationship after infidelity in marriage. If you are willing to work on the relationship, you can start by opting in for the free course by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D. on how to survive an affair. Click Here to start now.