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Posts in category trust

Getting Over An Affair – How To Stop The Images of The Paramour



getting over an affair

The Images may be one of the biggest obstacle in getting over an affair

Getting over an affair that your spouse had isn’t an easy thing to do. Especially with all the images that keep playing in your head like a movie or like a slideshow. It is definitely not in your best interest to keep thinking about the images if you want to make your marriage work again. However, it is almost impossible to stop as you feel compelled to let the slideshow play even though you know you will end up getting hurt. It’s like a child pushing on the tooth that has cavity knowing that it’s going to make it worse.

The images might make you feel like you are drowning in an emotional quicksand as you react physically, emotionally and spiritually to them. With every new slideshow, you get more and more pulled into the dark abyss of emotional hurt from where it seems there is no coming back. It’s like a living nightmare that you just can’t wake up from.

It’s quite common for the images to keep lingering in the mind months even years after the affair had taken place. This is what makes getting over an affair so hard.

How to get over an affair by eliminating the images?

There is a simple exercise recommended by Dr. Gunzburg (the creator of How To Survive an Affair) on how to eliminate the images. But be wary, that this exercise might not work for you and if it doesn’t you can stop doing it. If it does help you in feeling better, then you can continue this exercise. The exercise consists of three simple steps for getting over an affair and eliminating the images.

1. Find a place and time for the images. You need to set a time during the day and a quiet place where you can sit and contemplate about the images. It does sound counterintuitive but it has worked for many people. The concept here is that the images don’t control your thoughts anymore; instead, you are the one who will control the images.

2. Invite the images in. Instead of the images coming to out of nowhere, you take control of your thoughts and invite the images. This way you don’t feel like a victim to this mental torture and are more in control of yourself.

3. Once you get the images, you can manipulate the images in your mind. One way to do this is hit the rewind button and make the images play in reverse.  Play the fantasy backwards, whether it’s a slideshow or a movie. For some people, this will work in feeling a lot better. But if it doesn’t, stop immediately as it may make you feel worse.

Remember, that there are many others just like you who are suffering from this same problem and you are not alone. It’s normal to question your sanity when you can’t get yourself to stop the images in your mind. But if you know that it’s a common after effect of an affair, you may feel a lot better about it. You can start healing with a free course on getting over an affair by clicking here.

Posted in affair, infidelity - Tagged get over the affair, images

Infidelity in Marriage – How to Stop the Mistrust Triggers



Build The Trust After Infidelity

If you want to build trust back again in your marriage - You need to do things a little differently

Building trust after infidelity in marriage is one of the hardest challenges that a couple face when they are trying to work on a relationship. Infidelity is generally coupled with a lot of lies and deceit which the cheater shamelessly uses to hide the injured from the truth. But after the injured finds out about all the lies and the infidelity in marriage, they struggle with a blow to their self esteem knowing that they were so easily deceived. Of course, they blame it to the blind trust that they’d put in their cheating partner.

When the couple is trying to work on the relationship after the infidelity in marriage, it becomes extremely difficult for the injured to trust the cheaters excuses for coming home late from work, or not answering the telephone. Even though the cheater may have a legitimate reason for coming home late, or not answering the telephone, how can the injured believe them after all the time they had been lying to them. These situations, where it is hard for the injured to believe the cheater are known as mistrust triggers.

Trust is extremely important in rebuilding the relationship and you know you want the relationship to reach the point of the carefree relationship where you can trust your spouse’s word without thinking twice. I want to tell you that it is possible to reach that point. You will obviously have to work at it and it will take some time, but you can have that carefree and trusting relationship again with your spouse if both of you are willing to work on it.

How to Stop the Mistrust Triggers

One of the questions that people often ask is how to detect a lie from the cheating spouse. There has to be a magic formula by which you can detect whether or not they are lying. Well, there are of course ways that you can find out if they are lying or not, but a better option will be to stop the mistrust triggers.

The only way you can find out if they are lying or not, is either get them do a polygraph test, or you take the lie detection training (the one that they do in the intelligence). As you can imagine, both the ways will be really time consuming and expensive. Moreover, you aren’t really building trust by putting your spouse through a lie detector test every time he comes home from work.

After infidelity in marriage, it is a much better option to work on stopping the mistrust triggers. Here are the three steps to stop mistrust triggers

1. Identify the triggers – You need to identify exactly what type of situation triggers mistrust in you if you are the injured or what action triggers mistrust in your injured spouse if you are the cheater. Unless you identify them, you can’t stop them. Example, coming home late from work and not calling might make your injured spouse think of images of you being with someone else. Not answering your spouse’s phone and not calling them back for a long time.

2. Increase your transparency – If you are the cheating spouse, you need to increase the transparency of your life. Make it a point to call your partner and talk about your day at least two times a day. For some people, this may sound like “checking in with your parents”. But if you look at it that way, you will never be able to rebuild trust in the relationship and you will eventually start resenting calling your partner. Look at it as a gift to your injured spouse which will help rebuild the love and trust in your relationship.

3. Eliminate the mistrust triggers – Eliminating the mistrust triggers is a much better option than trying to figure out a lie every time your partner is late. You may need to implement step 2 for this. If there are no mistrust triggers, there will be no mistrust.

Transparency and eliminating mistrust triggers is one of the most important part of rebuilding a relationship after infidelity in marriage. If you are willing to work on the relationship, you can start by opting in for the free course by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D. on how to survive an affair. Click Here to start now.

Posted in infidelity - Tagged infidelity

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